Once again its time to thank the sponsors who made it possible for me to rant n rave...
The state of Kentucky
Kobe Bryant
IHOP
Denny's
Nutella... (LOL)
Gary Coleman
Ah-nuld
Gallagher
The whole recall campaign
Beyonce
The Blackout
and... Bravestarr! lol
In Other News...
Bad day to deliver a pizza... this guy got Blown up.
Wanna go to Jacko's house? Click here.
School starts Tuesday. Feel my enthusiasm. lol
Pro football starts Thursday.
Yes.
Chris Rock is a damn fool, that just needs to be certified somewhere...
Britney, Madonna and Christina doin some menage-trois type foreplay, that was kinda cool. Hmm, was Justin jealous?
Is it me or is Mary J smaller?
DMX actually showed up this year lol
Missy finally won 2, that was good I guess, but 50 Cent won 4 of them moon-men...
That shit about R. Kelly and the Olsen twins was da guts...
So, are the Isley Brothers and R. Kelly n em the new Opera type shit or what? Busted is a funny ass video...
Coming to America has one of the highest replay values of any movie ever.
1. Are you going to school this year?
I guess..
2. If yes, where are you going (high school, college, etc.)? If no, when did you graduate?
I guess, West LA, or Springfield Tech
3. What are/were your favorite school subjects?
History and English
4. What are/were your least favorite school subjects?
MATH! I hate that shit...
5. Have you ever had a favorite teacher? Why was he/she a favorite?
I didn't really have a favorite I don't think... most of mine were old n crabby...
In Other News...
Why was Gary Coleman on The O'Reilly Factor?
Cowboy Bebop is the shit.
North Korea has nukes now... be nice to the people in the liquor store LOL
College football is like whoa... Go 'Noles!
Going to put anything in today, but I saw the Black Mime again.
He hangs out in Hollywod doing his mime-thizzle.
I'm gonna get a picture soon, lol.
In Other News...
There is a lotta turmoil and chaos going on this way, which has reduced my from (mostly) daily blogging to just doing cameo appearances (without the bright red thong)...
R I P Bobby Bonds.... sorry about the typo.... *whew*
This is wild...
OJ: do you know when those summer games are coming on tv?
Calvin: the X games?
Calvin: they been on in the afternoons....fucking up PTI time
OJ: naw... basketball
OJ: lol
Calvin: ohhhhhh...shit....fuck if I know
OJ: max said espn 2
Calvin: Max is all knowing and all seeing....
Calvin: like a superhero
Calvin: Max is Bravestar
OJ: lol
OJ: LMAO
Calvin: Eyes of the Hawk, strength of a bear
OJ: LOL hell naw!!!
Calvin: Ears of the wolf, speed of the puma!
OJ: this nigga here lol
I show this to my boy W and he retorts...
W: LMAO (at least, you know that we weren't lying to you all these years)
By the way, the games will all be shown on Pay-Per-View, which sucks for those of us without cable...
There's a few more things going on these days, so I may not get to write as much as I want or need. But I haven't forgotten about you all. So with that,I present:
Negro Jackass!
This is where me and my cousin Jason (well, mostly Jason) hurt ourselves for the public at the local Food 4 Less. In a stunt called "surfing on a shopping cart", with a push from me Jason surfed down the paper products aisle for like 20 feet til the cart tipped over...
pizza, hot dogs and pop tarts were strewn everywhere....
That was the extent of that game, since we were advised not to start up again...
Which we didn't, until we found one of those plastic balls they always sell in grocery stores and played 'Bend it like Beckham'
Until it bent into a cooler display and knocked it down.
Now I know why moms was like 'you can't take black children NOWHERE!!!'
In Other News...
While I have been indisposed some there has been some first-class fuckery afoot!
Why the hell is gas going up back over 2 bucks again? Damn Iraq-Nam
is fucking us all the WAY over, and now a truck bomb killed UN people? Shit, which was worse, the actual war or all the shit after that...
Terry Tate's candidacy for governor is over, with his 14-egg eating ass.. Gary Coleman was on the radio touting his campaign. and Ah-nuld has a new commercial out. By the way tomorrow his economic plan will be revealed with the help of Warren Buffet, which is cool.
But Ah-nuld will have to articulate it, which is NOT cool... lol
The porn star candidate (mary carey) said she will go on a 'date' with anyone who contributes $5,000 to her campaign.
That's a lot for some head...
My write-in candidacy has been put on hold, unless I can run the state in absentia.
3 Nets on the US National Team?
Cubs AND Sox contending this late in the season?
Michael Vick breaking his fibula?
Flooding in Las Vega$?
RAVEN is LEAVING?!?!?
*sniff* who will make the red kool-aid... with the fruit in it....
Power windows killing kids now? (do people have NO common sense these days or WHAT?)
Can we say... Apocalypse?
What time is it....
I am having a bowl of Strawberry-Blasted HoneyComb
Friday Five in my butchered Japanese. Extra credit for figuring out which part is the Friday and which is the 5, lol
1. How much time do you spend online each day?
ENTIRELY too much! But that will be coming to a halt as I start my book learnin' again in just about 2 weeks
2. What is your browser homepage set to?
Bolivion, of course! C'mon, gimmie another hit! lol
3. Do you use any instant messaging programs? If so, which one(s)?
Yahoo I use the most, still, followed by AOL, then MSN, then ICQ. I had the names/number (for ICQ) up briefly til I figured that was the easiest way for me to get stalked, ever, so if you wanna contact me (lol) ask me for your preferred prog and I will be more than happy to oblige...
4. Where was your first webpage located?
LOL. Here. It still even gets hits sometimes too.
5. How long have you had your current website?
Since this date.
In Other News...
I need a banner design that looks like a campaign sticker. Any suggestions from ya'll designer-types?
I am checking the news to see if there was any looting last night. Lo and behold, in Brooklyn people (they didn't say black or white, but you and I know Malik n em was prolly in the area) broke into a shoe store, a phone store and a rent to own shop. This was taken from the New York Times site, where you have to be a member and all that.
Niggas in Detroit was hongry or somethin. They looted a gas station. It had to be that, since the power was out you couldn't get any gas...
The Cleveland site is not working...
And I know since the lights were mostly out, there was a lot of candelight, and ya'll know what that means...
Well well, looks like New York, Toronto, Cleveland and Detroit are gonna be LIGHTS out. Which means that niggas is gonna be wildin out in more ways than one. I KNOW niggas is gonna be lootin, because some of us don't know how to act when the lights is out. Also, look for a LOTTA babies being born in May due to this big ass black out. The Canadian Prime minister blames lightning hitting a station in Niagra....
At any rate, why the first thing niggas think about in a situation like this is destruction and/or looting? Yours truly included, fresh off probation already talkin mischief...
In Other News...
I WAS going to hold a press conference regarding my write-in candidacy, but besides being threatened with Judge Greg Mathis again I came up with a better idea, so stay tuned...
Let me mess with this fantasy football team for my cousin...
Oh yeah whoever that was that hit me on AOL earlier do it again... I caught a boot... oh wait... I think I figured out who it was....
There will be a press conference later today on Bolivion television to launch my write-in candidacy...
Beyonce.
Was it really any other choice, though? I am not too fond of the blond hair but eff'it..
Yes, Mya can use some cornbread in her life, but not Raven's LOL
I don't like small boobs either, so no J-Lo
Lisa Raye is not much more than a video broad who has a few lines.
In Other News...
It turns out that D.L. Hugley is not on the ballot anymore for governor, which is a shame.
But...Terry Tate is!
Gallagher's first name is Leo.
This is some funny shit, for real...
For the dudes who read the blog...
If you had a choice...
Lisa Raye, Beyonce, or J-Lo?
I will post tomorrow...
My cousin said Lisa Raye (blah)
My sunday was very lazy. I got up at like 1pm and cooked breakfast (turkey sausage, eggs and hash browns, washed it down with some apple juice) .
That was the highlight, lol...
That, and people asking me about all 130 candidates running for governor and why the hell is the elction going like it is...
Welp, from my understanding, this is the first recall election in California's history. So what happens is this: the first part of the ballot is where the question is asked do you want to recall this fool from his governor's spot. That is a yes or no hole. Next, if you answer yes, there is a list of people on the ballot to replace him. There, we vote for our next governor. The recell question must pass by only a simple majority (over 50%) to go in effect.
That is your political science lesson for today, lol
In Other News...
They shootin outside, don't know why, just gone leave it alone.
I watched Sammy Sosa hit 2 big homers as the Cubs beat the Dodgers today.
Sox won too, and that is more important.
Po' Raven, she burnt the cornbread.
But the kool-aid is still intact, so we cool *grinnin*
R.I.P. Gregory Hines
D.L. Hughley is running for governor too.
So to recap:
We have Ah-nuld, Gary Coleman, Larry Flynt, Mary Carey (porn star), Angelyne (big tit billboard lady), Bill Murray, Michael Jackson (Republican from Long Beach, not the Bolivionite) Arianna Huffington, and D.L. Hughley....
There looks to be over 100 candidates, you can look at the list here.
This is gonna be some WILD shit, lol
In Other News...
It's too early in the morning to report any, so, more news at 11, LOL
It won't be in Spanish tho, lol.
1. What's the last place you traveled to, outside your home state/country?
Las Vega$, Nevada about 6 months ago...
2. What's the most bizarre/unusual thing that's ever happened to you while traveling?
How about getting to my destination and finding out the place I was to stay had an eviction notice, I think that was pretty bizarre...
3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?
One part of me wants to go to Ghana, using my given (African) name (Lwazi Thibisu Goba) and start a new life. The OTHER part wants to chill in the French Riviera, nude beaches, lots of clear water, fancy-ass hotels, a chance for me to use my french to get some women, gambling in Monaco not an hour away, etc etc etc...
4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?
I like to fly, but I would rather drive. It is way more fun to me, unless you have toddlers/preschoolers with you then it is the worst, lol
5. What's the next place on your list to visit?
Shit, now that I am FREE... that's a good question... It could be Dallas... or Lexington... or Chicago.... the possiblities are Endless since I like to go go go!
In Other News...
Now that my civil rights will be restored soon, I think I am going to see if I can volunteer to work on someone's govenor campaign. It could be a lotta fun, actually.
The governor n em tried to get the recall election pushed back, but it was not to be. The election will be held October 7.
I'm still trippin on Gary Coleman running.
The Kentucky story will continue tomorrow.
I may go see SWAT tonight.
That's about it for now, I'm really feenin for some pasta, I don't know why tho...
This post was taped in front of a live studio audience.
I'm not sure exactly what this means, but I now have membership at DimesOnly.com thanks to Cher.
Does this mean Max has to hit the gym to keep up male dime status? hmmm...
Does this mean that Max will change his wardrobe from jeans, jerseys & t-shirts with sayings on them like 'I take Route 69' to Expensive jeans and shirts with collars? Nah...
Am I thinking too much about this? Probably, but until September when I do the insane and take 18 semester hours in school (I am trying to finish before 2010) life is at a mad slow pace...
Is there a pic of Max in an actual suit floating around? Maybe....
Disregard any pics OJ has of me they are all basically unflattering, cuz he like to take fucked up pics....
In Other News...
Ah-nuld is running for governor of California. He might not win though, because he is what they call a moderate Republican, which Right-Wingers hate. Add to that his wife is a Kennedy, and all hell is going to break loose come October, or March, if Gov. Davis gets his way and postpones the recall election. But he is not the only oddball in the election. Not by a longshot.
Larry Flynt, owner of Hustler Magazine *homer drool* is running.
Gary Coleman is running too...
Yes, that Gary Coleman...
Reactions:
Cha: Oh Lawd
Cher: Bye Max *click*
OJ: I THOUGHT THEY WAS BULLSHITTIN!!!!
B: anybody who holds political office that gotta stand on a phone book to make a speech = IGG
Moms: What? He has lost his mind. What is he gonna run with, he broke!
I shoulda told moms that maybe he was gonna use Mr. Drummond's money...
Oh yeah, as a nod to the 80s (lol @ Koku) that comedian Gallagher who used to smash shit with a big ass hammer is running too.
Community college fees out here in Cali have been raised... from $11 to $18. I still say there's no excuse for niggas to be stupid out here, but yet and still there are airhead niggas walking around...
Was that bad? Probably..
The colors are changing again... watch out....
Lots to get into today, so let's get to it....
When we last left our Kentucky trip participants, R had just 'changed clothes' instead of showering after being on a bus for a day straight. Twin left and came back with her cousin C, who was lite-skint, with curly hair and attractive... but 16. So W, D and I just said our hellos and left it at that. However, R apparently was not paying attention, as when he, Twin and C went to the grocery store (for liquor, go figure lol) he kept harrassing C for numbers and trying to cop a feel n whatnot. Twin was about to cut him in Krogers but divine intervention prevented it.
Later that evening (I think, I was drunk like 80% of the time, and yes, there are pics too...) Twin brought over her friend T from earlier, her sister N, her other friends K and G, maybe. This was also R's birthday, so he felt he could hang with the big boys in terms of drinking. So we got the cheapest gallon of gin we could find and went shot for shot. D doesn't drink much, so he was the designated person to lead us to the toilet, should we have to call Earl. Anyways, me W and R took about 10 shots each, then the girls came over (Taking a shower drunk is not for everyone, it should be advised....)
R had this incredibly stupid game called Dirty Words or some shit, and he had kinda paired up with K, who was pretty fucked up herself on weed and assorted drinks BEFORE she came over. Twin advised us not to let her drink, but K got in her 'I'm a grown woman' stance and started pounding MORE shots with us. Consequently, the drunker she got, the more attractive R was to her, and she started making references to what she wanted to do. Now, to me W and D, and the other girls too, she was ready to get her swerve on. This was obvious to everyone but R, who was trying to win the game. Besides that he's kinda slow on shit like that, and alcohol didn't help any.
(If someone else reads this part I may be in some trouble, hint for Twin: Dysfunction...)
Finally, R wins the game, K is still tryin to get him inside her, and he still is not getting the hint. So, me being the opportunist that I am, I called her over to the kitchen and talked just a lil bit. After she grabbed the neck of the gallon gin bottle like a shaft and played with the cap like it was a head, I was like, f'it, come to the bedroom. I lay her down and tell her I'll be right back. I went in the bathroom to get a condom (Trojan... sensitive... size Large... don't leave home without em....lol) I come back, and this girl peed on herself. It was time for her to go. So Twin had to drive K home and come back. At least she made it to the toilet to call Erl before then. Still with pissy draws tho, LOL....
But things were JUST starting to heat up for the night... stay tuned...
In Other News...
Its official more people are leaving California than coming. Besides immigrants, that is. Story.
Kobe's first hearing is today. Experts say they will most likely skip a preliminary hearing and go straight to trial or a grand jury, since defendants rarely win preliminaries (I know this for a fact, every preliminary hearing I have sat through waiting for my court time, the defendant lost) I'll have more on that after the hearing.
LOL @ the IHOP vs Denny's arguments. I only order one of 2 things from IHOP (except the last time, for some reason I ordered French Toast...) Either the Chcolate Chip Pancakes (Its the Little Max in me) or the T-Bone Steak & Eggs (when I am feelin carnivorous). I switch off every time I go.
Denny's, however, is just a Grand Slam. Shit is cheap and it hits the spot if I don't have IHOP money.
I made a CD the other day...
Missy - Ecstacy
Next - Butta Love
Musiq - Half Crazy
Mary J Blige - Get to Know You Better
Floetry - Say Yes
Janet - Would You Mind
Jill Scott - Easy Conversation
Aaliyah - At Your Best (You Are Love) [Stepper's Remix]
Angie Stone - No More Rain (In This Cloud)
Case - I'm Missing You
Deborah Cox f. RL - We Can't Be Friends
Amel Larrieux and Glen Lewis - What's Come Over Me
Groove Theory - Tell Me
Mariah Carey f. B.O.N.E. - Breakdown
R. Kelly - 12 Play
Bee Gees - More Than a Woman
Denise Williams - Free
I don't know what kind of mood I was in... lol
I file papers for the expungement of my criminal record later today too.
Told you there was a lot going on, LOL
This was supposed to be the continuation of the Kentucky story, but it seems that niggas wanna play...
In the links section you see that I have 3 sisters with blogs (Cher, Chaconna, and Pam aka Red). It just so happens that 2 of them are having man problems. And being the brother-man (of sorts) they tell me their problems, and their problems become MY problems.
I hate having problems...
I mean, if you leave a man/woman (I have coed readers), why harass they ass? Let them go, if they were so bad, right? Why try to continue to justify why you left #1 and #2 why do you care what they do? YOU let them go so what they do WHEN YOUR ASS IS GONE should be of no concern to you, unless you are 'frontin' like Pharrell and Jigga-BOOOOOOO....
Another thing... we all know that people of the opposite sex should not answer one's phone when one is allegedly involved. But you let one of those people answer your phone then act like you don't know who is supposed to be your S.O.
Sounds fishy to me.
Then, you call back and wondering why muthafuckas don't want to talk to you, or even call you anymore... If you are so occupied with the other person you don't need to be bothered by your boo, right?
FUCK THAT SHIT...
I have maintained throughout 2003 that this is the year of the bitch-ass nigga. And at least once a month I hear some shit to prove my ass correct. The kinda shit niggas is pullin today makes real (or, non-bitch) niggas look bad. Well, this is it... I am taking a stand for non-bitch muthafuckas everywhere....
You bitch niggas stop this shit, for real...
I am really mad right about now, and I am off probation... not a good combination....
I took a 3-day weekend, during which I have been thinking of ways to liberate people from the scourge of the Jheri Curl.
Someone said that taking a match to them was not the correct way to go about it, so I will stop doing that.
I PROMISE I will finish (or at least continue) the story tomorrows...
In Other News...
Kobe has lost his Nutella (I don't know what it is, either.), his Sprite and his McDonalds endorsement contracts. Is Nike next? The hearing is Wednesday so you know that KBTV will be there with details (KBTV is the official news outlet of Bolivion)
New facts about Bolivion residents...
Mike Tyson is now bankrupt, squandering like 300 Million dollars in his career.
Damn.
I just saw Men In Black II over the weekend, and I didn't know that Jacko was in it! He wanted to be an MIB agent.
That was really fucked up and aint do shit to help his rep, lol...
I thought he woulda been an ailen, but oh well...
Damn its late, but I am hongry. Imma make me a trip to IHOP
By special request I have another story to tell...
This one about a turn of the Millennium trip to Lexington, Kentucky. Why Lexington, you ask, while other people were kickin it in New York or LA waiting for the possible Apocalypse?
Poor planning, and even poorer people, LOL.
Since yours truly was not formally sentenced in LA yet, I decided to venture back home to Chicago for the holidays. I spent 3 days in Chicago before going away to Lexington driving with W. We met D in like Indiana somewhere, and it was on to Kentucky, basically to hang with my twin Chaconna.
We got there in like the wee hours, and niggas was hongry, so we stopped at the local waffle house, which is where we met up with Twin. We had mad jokes about the waiter, Rufus, and the only other customer in there, Earl (we made those names up...)
Next, we get to our nice corporate apartment by the duck pond. We sleep and get up the next day, when our friend R (the same one whose momma busted us in the last story) arrives on the bus, 22 hours after leaving Virginia. Twin and her friend T went to meet him and bring him to the spot. As soon as R gets off the bus, T starts growling at R. Twin just laughs, R doesn't get the joke (and didn't throughout the whole trip). So anyway, Twin, T and R get back to the apartment, and we meet T for the first time. I wind up asking T when the last time her coochie was eaten (I don't know why, so please don't ask...) to which she just kind of looks at me sideways. Meanwhile, R looks through the apartment and thought it was nice, so he says he's gonna take a shower and change. The apt was fairly large (2 bed, 2 bath, balcony) but the shower water, when on full blast you could hear. There was silence. W noticed it, then Twin, then D, then me, because I was otherwise engaged (as will happen a lot). So even though there was no water running, in like 10 minutes out pops R with a different navy outfit on. Everybody kind of turned away and laughed with that no-that-nigga-didn't-put-on-clean-clothes-and-not-shower after being on a bus for a solid day tone.
That was pretty nasty but not the nastiest. Stay tuned, my liberry time is runnin out...